The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
