Your face is a jimmy john
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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