you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
