And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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