hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
