Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Randomize
