my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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