What a fucking waste of an outfit
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
