There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
