community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
50% drunk capacity currently
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
