my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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