so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
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