somebody snuck up and got me drunk
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Every concussion has its silver lining
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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