there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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