I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
