he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
