he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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