Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
