Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
So much rum. So many feels.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
