Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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