so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
