Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
