Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
