and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
