I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
