Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
You left your underwear on the fireplace
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
