I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
