Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
