My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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