party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
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And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
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Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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