I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
