"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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