I cockslap morals
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
