I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
