So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.