I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
He felt like a one man threesome
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Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
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Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that