My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
And then my night got REAL pukey
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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