I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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