Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
