i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
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I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
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What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!