I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
