Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
