Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
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Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
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I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
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