I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
