I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
