is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
