So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize