Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
This house was built for laser tag.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
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