you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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