I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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