Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
