I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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