I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
