Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Randomize
