Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
what day is it and did you see me today?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
