I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
