one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
