i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
