It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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