The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Randomize
