there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
True strength comes from lack of pants
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