I heard we made out
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize