i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
