meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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