i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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