he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
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What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
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I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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