Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
