I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
