Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
