The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
