And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
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just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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