Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
