3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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