cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
