Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
